February 25th was only the beginning for my twin siblings and me. It was our Telling Day. The day we were told a family from Colorado was adopting us. The day that changed our lives forever. The day I was given the label ‘adopted’.
So every time 25th of February rolls around, I usually post about it on social media acknowledging its significance. But not this year. It wasn’t because of my brother who had recently passed away. Though, it is difficult to be reminded of his earthly absence. It was for the reason I was involved in another one. This time, however, I was seeing with a birth mother’s eyes. I was placing my own baby for adoption. It was the day I was given the label ‘birth mother’.
This dramatic circumstance forced me to alter my outlook on life and how to move forward with a limp.
Adoption is a special kind of love as some people have experienced. I would objectify it as a thorny rose. It is beautiful just as any pure and sincere love is, but it has its prickly parts. I have come to love my family, but I have yet to cut my thorns. Being adopted at 15 yrs. old made it difficult.
But oh, is it worth fighting for.
As a birth mother, I know my daughter (Eona Grace- as I’ve named her) will have a much better life with parents who are devoted to Christ and much more stable than I am in many ways. But my heart burns in disappointment that it had come to this situation for me to learn. She comes to mind often, but I cannot long for her. I know it wouldn’t do much at all. I am very happy with where she is now.
The adoptee side of me had come to realize just because there was a nonexistent connection between my birth mother and I, it doesn’t mean my situation would be similar. It doesn’t mean I didn’t love my daughter. Being adopted doesn’t mean I can’t place her for adoption because of my past. Because I wanted to fill a gap. I had prayed and fought with myself to think reasonably and clearly. I grieved. I mourned. I shattered my heart so she can have a better life.
So…life goes on with scars on my breasts, empty arms, but a blessed heart. It is enough happiness knowing I gave life and presented her to another who waited many excruciating years. But life goes on leaving me with my heart as ink for a pen to write with. Life still goes on even if I walk with a limp. I move forward knowing I didn’t lose hope. I held on to God while in the middle of my hurricane.
For those who are shackled with the past. Those who are struggling. Those who are grieving from losses. Those who are waiting…
Adoption is walking on water with Jesus.
It is scary and it can break you, but do not let yourself drown. Keep your eyes on Jesus! It is a scary walk with Him, but He won’t let you go. He will be there with you wave after wave. He will show you what it’s like walking on water in the midst of a storm.
“Be still, and know that I am God…” Psalm 46:10.
(Stay tuned to read my whole journey of how God took over.)